| I'll let animosity unwind |
[26 Apr 2005|08:24pm] |
|
Warning: [ Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<b/b>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] <B>Warning: <B/B>Particularly offensive venting ahead. Don't read any further if you ever had even the slightest glimmer of respect for me before this. kthnx.
More pre-warning: -
Firstly, if you have anything idiodic, ignorant or fun to tell me within the next twenty four hours, kindly refrain from speaking to me.
Secondly, My tolerance threshhold is currently at its all time lowest. I could care less. Deal with it and Don't even bother to have an opinion that differs to my own.
See, while i was down at the General Store, Saturday afternoon, Penny called. Had i not been down at the General Store, i wouldn'tve been able to answer, due to lack of reception back at my own home. Next thing i know, she's inviting herself over and at that stage i was feeling pretty tolerant so stupidly i said sure why not, not wanting to blow her off for the third time in a row. She's a good kid. incredibly fucking stupid, but a good kid nonetheless.
To put it simply, I just can't stand her.
For the following reasons;
The first is clearly obvious, which annoyed me greatly -- she invited herself. Now this may or may not be an issue, but we've never once hung out before and i don't know about you, but i wasn't brought up thinking it was perfectly fine to invite myself to someones place. It's just plain rude. Had we known each other longer i wouldn't think anything of it, but let me just reinforce the fact that i've NEVER spent time with the girl outside of work, and if it wern't for the fact that we do work together, shes not someone i'd eagerly befriend. (side note: i realise how shallow etc wathaveyou, this might make me seem, but i spent the entire weekend feeling, oh whats the word? VIOLATED or something like that. And could care less about your opinion of me right now).
Yes, fuck you.
Another side note i'd like to add: just how many of you my <I>friends</I>, have come to see me since i moved up here 12 months ago? Oh thats right, NONE.
Fuckers.
2. She came around at 10:am Sunday morning. On The Dot. Slayed any hope i had for a decent sleep in. ohkay, no biggie. Lets move on
3. She uh, actually wanted to watch A New York Minute, rather than A HEATH LEDGER MOVIE. Also starring Shannyn Sossamon, (one of my top three girls i'd turn lesbian for, but anyway, whatever, pointless information for your amusement)
4. She went through my fridge, looking for food. Again, her first ever stay at my house and shes already hunting through my fridge? I'm sorry, don't you find this rude?
5. Now i'm an abnormal teen and basically shun 99.9% of softdrinks, unless they're combined with an alcoholic substance of sorts or if its either Pink Lemonade or 7 UP. What can i say, i prefer water or milk and sometimes even pineapple juice. Anyway to cut to the point of this particular complaint, i had a bottle of rasberry softdrink in the fridge, which i had intended on mixing with vodka, but after tasting it, decided it was UGH, just not even drinkable, so i left it there and conveniently forgot all about it.
At some stage i left the lounge room, almost certainly to go to the bathroom. Or maybe it was when i showered. Anyway, when i returned, i found she'd helped herself to the fridge and was sitting there with a glass of the rasberry whateveritwas.
Now, honestly i didn't particularly care because the drink was foul and i was never going to drink it again, but, hey, there was no <I>"i hope you don't mind, but i had a glass of this". </I>or anything even remotely along the lines of common courtesy. To top it off she giggles stupidly as she takes a sip and says <I>"oh i'm not supposed to drink this, it makes me hypo and i have ADD..." </I>
No Kidding!?
Did i fail to mention she's blonde?
6. I don't exactly have the closest relationship, with either of my parents, as you may have assumed by now, with anyone other than my sister, only because i love the little muffin cake to pieces, and so wittnessing close families is a little surreal and makes me feel somewhat uncomfortable and or out of place.
Penny's mother called her mobile and then asked for my home number sometime during the night so she could call. Which she did, and spoke to Penny for maybe twenty minutes. Because she was bored and her boyfriend was sick and she missed Penny, thus was lonely. Maybe that sounds sweet to someone reading this, but to be honest, if you had wittnessed it, you would've thought it very odd. The girl is 19 in two weeks for chrissakes.
7. She doesn't pay attention to anything you say. Eevery time i've taken time off work, she's asked where i was going. Every time, my answer has been the same, [The Central Coast, NSW] followed by <I>"where i used to live"</i> and shes always acknowledged that she's heard me correctly. Today she asked me if i'd lived in this house all my life. Seriously. And not two minutes after telling her my parents were currently Holidaying in Thailand, she asked where abouts in Italy they were staying.
what. the. fuck.
Mind you, the last time i took time off work to visit the Central Coast, was for Bright Eyes, which i talked about for weeks before i left, and she knew i was going. The day before i left i told her i'd see her on WEDNESDAY as i'd be away, which she repeated yes and that she'd see me on wednesday. We even discussed how many days id be away for and how many i was taking off work. Needless to say she called me while i was away TWICE, to ask if i'd like to go out that weekend and i had to explain that i just wasn't in the state at the time and couldn't make it.
. . .
I could go on, but i think i've made my point.
Some people said it was good that she was staying, because i wouldn't be alone, but honestly, i would have PREFERED to be alone, because i only feel homocidal now and hate you all.
Again, i say i could not give a fuck about how shallow, closed minded, etc etc this makes me seem as i'm far too annoyed with anyone and everything to care.
So, Love n' such!
enjoy. |
|
|
[17 Jan 2005|09:32am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 pissed off |
] |
speak to me
tell me something so typical
a lullaby or something miserable
that will keep me up at night
cross out my eyes
i know you planned it
you know i love you
and i can't stand it
we just lost control
we just lost control
lie to me
give me something worth living for
tell me a reason worth fighting for
give me anything, anything to keep me breathing
lie to me
give me something worth living for
tell me a reason worth fighting for
give me anything, anything to keep me breathing
go lie to me
tell me stories so beautiful
an epic of something so terrible
that it makes me weep
cross out these days
on your calendar
it hurts me so much
and im not quite sure
i care anymore
i care anymore
lie to me
give me something worth living for
tell me a reason worth fighting for
give me anything, anything to keep me breathing
lie to me
give me something worth living for
tell me a reason worth dying for
give me anything, anything to keep me breathing
anything to keep me breathing
|
|
| Thursday, 6th jan. 2005 |
[06 Jan 2005|07:56am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 numb |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
blink - im lost without you |
] |
SAGITTARIUS
</b>(Nov 23 - Dec 21) |
You are no longer sure what you believe in - or who you can believe. Recent events have caused you to question your faith in a person - or a notion - or both. You have done your best to keep those misgivings to yourself but they have started to have an impact on your decision making process. You can't just pretend that all is fine when you no longer feel convinced that it is. Or can you? Either now, you have to coldly cut a certain set of ties or you have to be much more wholeheartedly generous with the benefit of the doubt. I recommend the latter.
|
|
|
| interesting |
[04 Jan 2005|07:17pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sick |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
soco - only ashes |
] |
| You scored as Buddhist.
Buddhist | | 70% | Anarchist | | 65% | Catholic | | 50% | Jewish | | 50% | Cult | | 45% | Christian | | 35% | </td>
Religion
created with QuizFarm.com |
|
|
|
[20 Dec 2004|09:38am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
greenday - boulevard of broken dreams |
] |
I'm currently mighty pissed, because my mother, generously decided to do my washing for me (I do my own, we have seperate baskets.), and shes thoughtlessly thrown my $90 sass and bide t - shirt (the only designer labelled thing i own), in the fucking washing machine, when it clearly says on the tag "HAND WASH, DO NOT soak, bleach, wring, tumble dry, etc etc"
Now its slightly fucked, and well. I wouldn't be making such a big deal out of it, as its an honest mistake and i'm likely to have done the same myself, BUT, come on. It's my favourite fucking shirt, and at the rate i grow, it's supposed to last me FOREVER.
I'm devestated.
ugh.
Here ends my completely selfish, materialistic, winge/bitch/cry
|
|
|
[18 Nov 2004|08:48pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
alkaline trio - queen of pain |
] |
Take the quiz: "What Kinda Kiss R U?"
Romantic Kiss
Lying in bed after making love and just doing whatever.
|
|
| cracked my head open on ur kitchen floor to prove to u that i have brains |
[18 Nov 2004|08:17pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 confused |
] |
sometimes the ground just crumbles beneath you and you fall, with that sick feeling in your stomach the whole way down. It's the knowledge that when you fall from such a great height, you break.
and it hurts, all over.
Edit;
*
Odly enough, this is my horoscope for today. Coincidentally, some time earlier today i said i felt cheated.
You may feel cheated today, KENDYL, when you find that a person who has promised you one thing has suddenly gone against their word and not held up their end of the bargain. Perhaps he or she had led you to believe one thing, and then completely reversed his or her tune once you had already taken action based on their initial promises. State your case clearly and directly without getting angry or abusive towards the person who has wronged you.
*
Abuse is sure to be thrown, on my part, so i guess its best we just dont talk tonight. I'm not sure if i've got anything to say just yet that isnt severely spiteful or abusive retaliation anyway.
|
|
|
[28 Oct 2004|07:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
indifferent |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
bright eyes - from a balance beam |
] |
( indy weekend )
|
|
| i...need....sleep |
[10 Oct 2004|05:56am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
grinspoon - rising tide |
] |
Well what can i say? This morning was dissapointing, and im incredibly unimpressed with those who voted john howard into his fourth term. Of course you know this means the majority of our nation are seriously derranged, and our security is left in the hands of a complete wanker. Who also now believes he's popular, and id like to state that just isnt the case.
Obviously, i didnt vote liberal, but whats it matter who i did vote for now? The verdict is in.
Apart from my great detest for the percentage of the population who did vote liberal, i spent my morning, doing a load of washing, sunning myself by the pool for an hour. Having my first swim of the season, watching numerous hours of back to back simpsons with my sister. Hanging out the first load of washing, and putting another on. Preparing myself lunch, hanging out the second load of washing. Walking up the road to take a photograph or two of something that caught my eye the other day during my walk to the general store, and then sun backing untill the sun dissapeared for the day.
Chris called this evening too, and it was amusing =)
Organising my trip to the coast = both hilarious and cute, but mostly just extremely exciting!!!
Work tomorrow however, is not exciting. But come wednesday i'll have booked my tickets [insert girly squeals here]
|
|
| She had diamonds on the inside |
[09 Oct 2004|02:52am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sad |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Ben harper - diamonds on the inside |
] |
what began as an email to a very special person, in hopes of unloading my shit has gained entry status;
its fun times at the fisher household tonight. My mothers hitting
my father repeatedly and crying and screaming about divorce and how
much of an arsehole he is and slamming doors, and cupboards etc. Its
grand.
And shes telling him about the advantages of Dr Phil and if i wasnt
slightly upset id find that hilarious? He keeps telling her its a load
of crap and well...it just is, but she takes it err..a bit too
seriously, its her equivalent of a religion and im a little worried.
just not in the mood to be in the house right now, but here i am. i
think i need to move. Id prefer emotional stability over financial
stability, and if i stay im just not going to be able to maintain it
for much longer.
The email continued, but this entry is done.
|
|
| carried on |
[04 Oct 2004|09:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 exhausted |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
foo fighters - big me |
] |
I'll update soon i swear. Like...Tomorrow. No, wait Im busy. Soon then.
but not right now.
im completely exhausted, i appear to be losing my voice, feels like im swallowing razors, and tomorrow im working from 8:45 till 6. Im just brimming with excitement, as it will of course be bucketloads of fun and i eagerly await the ten hour shift. Of course.
cough.
not.
Yawn.
Sleep.
|
|
| spent |
[02 Oct 2004|08:24am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
discontent |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the ataris - san dimas highskool football rules |
] |
Oh i wrote this entry yesterday, but it still applies i guess.
i could not be more ready for the school holidays to be over and for this day to be over.
work; i started at 8:45 AM. I did open, basically alone. I got very few of my jobs done due to customers.
I mean honestly who eats 'insert name of work place here' at 9 in the morning?
Can i say ew? does this not say so much about our population and its problem with obesity? I felt half inclined to tell them to fuck off and wander over to new zealand ice creamery and buy themselves a fruit smoothie/yoghurt, or at least something with nutritional value. I wouldnt said it politely, of course...
We were extremely busy, so much so, that we ended up running out of various things, like for example, the main things on the menu. Thus being thrown abuse, being sworn at when they'd order and id say 'sorree, we dont have that at the moment, would you like such n' such instead?'
Oh it was great.
Also, due to extreme busy-ness i didnt get out till 6:30 PM, rather than 6. Alana and i were on close and neither of us have ever done close on our own, which was just great. We had no idea what we were doing.
I couldnt be bothered to write, im just overly exhausted so i'll make the rest quick.
Came home, parents went out, i showered, cooked dinner for my sister and myself, called Talisha, put everything away, put the kid to bed and in about 10 minutes im putting myself to bed, because wouldnt you know it, ive got to work tomorrow.
Awesome.
Im running on empty. I've had one meal in two days. One meal ( think it was pasta?), three coffees, a chocolate mousse and a few bottles/glasses of water. Foods been prepared but ive been too tired to eat it.
maybe later
|
|
| explanation |
[28 Sep 2004|10:18am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
a perfect circle - the noose |
] |
Phil says:
nah it happend
Phil says:
this friend of mine thats a female... like her ex boyfriend like had a domestic and the girl was upset and like it got physical... so i was just boosting self esteem.
Little Devotional says:
ok
Phil says:
i dont know if u understand?
Little Devotional says:
Phil says:
ha well spose that means carls no longer a mate ay
Phil says:
to me anyways
Phil says:
it just shits me? that things can be taken out of context?
Ive got to trust one of them, and well, Trent never appologised for the shit he did to me, and Phil did and at least was civil about everything, so i choose Phil
|
|
|
[26 Sep 2004|02:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 irritated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
modest mouse - float on |
] |
This morning whilst standing upon the scales;
me: I'm fatter, im fatter!!! grin grin
daniel: fatter? Kendyl! ur not 'fatter', what you've got an extra heavy belt on today? Those earings have gotta weigh at least a kilo each. You've grown?
Yes. I've gained one or two kilos and yes im excited about it. Im a twig really and a kilo or more hardly alters my appearance, so i like the fact that im heavier.
Im so lazy. or perhaps its just that ive been busier, i just havent updated a great deal lately. This week at least. I will.
A little later
|
|
| hum hum |
[22 Sep 2004|07:45am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 stressed |
] |
Work called at 7:30 to ask if i was able to come in sooner. i was working 10:30 till 4, but now it seems im working, quarter to 9 till 5. drat. After that, its off to the darkroom, 5:30 till 7.
How did i ever get so busy? Exhastion will only ensue.
My course, finishes...er, well its over, the final class was monday, but ive got some film to develop and negatives to print, and then final prints to print.
work experience begins around the 2nd of october, and goes for 5 weeks, this coincides with plans i might have, 2 weeks from now and im not liking it at all.
Being skool holidays (yeh doesnt it suck, involuntary family time) Works going to be calling in. I said no to working last sunday. Am i insane? I knocked back over $100 due to an excessively painful migraine that keeps reoccuring. I think perhaps its time to see a doctor again?
My 2nd course starts...this thursday? or next. Shrugs. I'll check my calender later.
Daniels staying, this weekend, sometime, and my nan goes back...sunday? or something. Then Daniel flies to perth sunday, sometime.
Heh, rowies up here in 9 days, and ive been told to keep not this weekend, but the next, Free, so i'll try, because i promised.
kjkjdshfg
Do i sound slightly organised? but at the same time, not at all? It feels messy
|
|
| My Thumb Hurts |
[21 Sep 2004|10:20pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
311 - love song |
] |
Im growing up too slowly. I should feel older. In the sense that, i should be more sure of what i want from life. More sure of myself, and more sure of how i can go about getting this, without being so afraid to reach just that little bit further.
it just seems as though everything i chase after is so unattainable. Of course, its not that its unttatainable. Its all within my reach. It just feels like everythings caught in slow motion and i cant get to it, in the time i want. A struggle between speed and caution.
What if, after ive achieved what i want, i find, that its not what i want and i end up completely dissatisfied with the things i tried to hard to reach. What then?
Distance can be decieving.
Theres a few things im sure of. although its only a small few, and the things that i am sure of, are iron clad sure, no doubt in my mind type sures.
The rest all depends on my mood. Sometimes the motivation i need is hard to find.
So much of what i know, is wrong. So much of what i've been taught, isnt the way things should be. Through being treated wrongly, ive learnt how not to treat people, and i thank him for this.
I learnt today, that my father didnt want children for a long while. Which contradicts the reason for his previous failed marriage. I was told they separated because he wanted children, and she didnt. She was an entertainer. They moved around a lot, and just didnt have the time or the interest. But apparently i was misinformed.
Minor details that never made sense to me before, suddenly fit the puzzle perfectly, but its far from being complete.
This is exhausting
|
|
| keep quiet |
[19 Sep 2004|09:36pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
exhausted |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
fall out boy - nobody puts baby in the corner |
] |
This silence,
Tears little holes in my shreds of hope
and suddenly it all makes sense.
The sense of longing.
"its all just new to me" - or something along those lines.
isnt that what you said?
"you're so special to me"
...
a careful smile spreads itself accross my face
I keep a watchful eye on the telephone. Shame on me. Sigh.
my head feels heavy; finger tips to temples. This is how its been for 48 hours,
On again, off again. On again.
Sometimes dull, sometimes razor sharp.
Cutting short my thoughts of...
sigh.
put me to bed and keep me safe.
Your face is on the inside of my eyelids tonight, so i'll sleep
For the next fourteen days, and i'll wake up to you
|
|
| shrugs |
[18 Sep 2004|11:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 enthralled |
] |
of course this is true!
|
|
| ha! |
[18 Sep 2004|11:21pm] |
heh, oh i went thru a few of the sins and found that death for public self love was the most amusing.
Masturbation kills kids! =P
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
immersed_in_you's journal
